He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
