You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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