Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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