I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
