I want to make a zoo with you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper