p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.