The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
