Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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