i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My feet surprised me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize