He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love you.
Bad choice
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