i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
