So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
