I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
