"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
