Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
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I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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