i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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