I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is wine microwaveable?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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