thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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