I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
