Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
