Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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