i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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