i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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