I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
pray to the hookup gods
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
