worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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