Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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