Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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