I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
