I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
