I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
