You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
