if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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