Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
