I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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