ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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