so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
