hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
