Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
