We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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