Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
