So drunk its hurt
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
