Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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