I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
