did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
