HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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