I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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