I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
