im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He shit in the fireplace
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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