Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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