someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize