okay pat passed out under dana's car
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
