Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
