I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
