I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
