Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
