Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
