i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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