wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
