can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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