Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
