I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
