My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
