My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
