I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
