I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
