he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
