I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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