did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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