turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My vagina is officially offended.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
