The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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