he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
