I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
