my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
