I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
