Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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