im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
