i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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