Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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