you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
