i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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