Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
