I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
